I don't know

I don't know, and I don't like it. It feels strange to me.

I don't know what I want, and I don't like it. It feels far too strange to me.

When I was 12 I knew that I wanted to go to University in Canada. Nearly 8 years later, I went. I did.
When I was 10 or 11, I knew that I didn't want to go to the all girls school in town. So I didn't. And I'm glad.
When I was 16, I knew that I wanted to go to college, not stay for 6th form. I knew.
When I was 17 I knew I wanted to take a year out to go travelling. It became the best decision of my life so far.
When I was 17 I knew that I wanted to take Mike with me on my year of travelling. We had only been together 3 or 4 months, but I knew it would work.
When I was 18, I knew which apartment we would pick in Canada. Nearly 10 apartments later, I was right.
When I was 19 I knew that the decision I had made when I was 12 was no longer what I wanted, and no longer right. Months later I am still overjoyed by that decision. It has made me happier than I could have ever dreamed it would.

I know what I want. My instincts work. My gut is good. I know what I want and I go after it. It works.

BUT

Now that I am 20, what I wanted when I was 12 no longer applies. It didn't work.

Now that I am 20, I don't know what I want. I can't decide. I go back and forth and back and forth for weeks, months now.

I don't know what I want, and I don't like it. It's strange.

It's far too strange.......

Abiento x